WNYMoms.com

Ok, let me first apologize for the rant that is about to unfold. I hope I do not offend anyone, as that is not what my intentions are. My intentions are to simply understand what is going on in these women's heads.

I'm with you 100%.

I agree completely....but (there's always a but!)....unless you are there first hand and know the whole story, there may be more than meets the eye...

One of my best friends and "little" sorority sister has 3 beautiful children and she is an amazing mom - but you may find a picture or two on FB similar to what you describe. Every year or so, we particpate in a bar crawl in our college town to raise money for a scholarship in honor of one of our fraternity friends who died in a car accident shortly after college. After 6 bars and 8 hours later, you can imagine that by the last bar, things are a little crazy and yes, many have had plenty to drink by then and there are plenty of pictures taken as evidence. My friend is right along side of all of us having a good time, but what you won't see is that she hasn't had a drink all night and she has lugged her breast pump around with her so she could pump when necessary. Pictures don't necessarily paint the accurate truth. My friend may be the exception and I'm sure there are plenty out there just as you describe and if that is truely the case, then I would be discusted as well.

As you know we live in a world with all types of people. You can't change how they are going to raise their kids or what they will do with their time. If you don't care for what they are doing, you can change you and your families exposure to them. The world is filled with many people, find the ones you love to be around. I'm glad you did your rant... it always make me feel better to get it off my mind too.

The drinking sounds a bit much to me but that's because I don't drink But was I out with friends and family very shortly after giving birth? Yes! I returned to our bi-weekly, Saturday night bowling league when the twins were three-weeks-old (btw don't underestimate just how restricted your twin mommy friend probably was for months and months!). I couldn't bowl for about another month but I went to be in good company for a few hours regardless. There were other outings as well. I don't see the point in getting wasted if you have to go home and care for a newborn, or nurse him/her, but if it's a couple drinks, you're not nursing (have stored milk or supplement), and you're gone for 2-3 hours is that really a problem? My God, I'd say no. I never felt this "missing" or longing thing that you describe about your son. Days and days would make me miss them, but hours heck no! The women you're desribing sound trashy on many levels but to state that women (in general) shouldn't leave newborns for outings until it has been so many weeks and they shouldnt participate in certain activities until kids are so old, etc. seems a little much to me. Just taking it from my perspective

We're all different. That's a given.

Personally, I was nursing around the clock for months after each child was born and I couldn't have left them even if I wanted to, which I didn't. I remember going out to JoAnn Fabrics when my first child was about 8 weeks old. It was my first separation from him and it was only for about an hour. I got there, heard a baby cry in the distance and BOOM. My milk let down and I went home with a soaked shirt, and no fabric.

@mom2: I definitely have always felt a "longing" to be with my son, to this day, whenever we are apart. Even if he's just in his room napping, there are moments my heart aches to be near him (dramatic, I know, but I really get this emptiness feeling). I really don't have much desire to participate in activities that are not family-oriented or child-friendly, and neither does my husband. Once in a great while we will get a babysitter and go to a concert or something of the like, but I can count on one hand the number of times since he's been born that I've been away from him for more than an hour. If our friends want to see us, they know that they are always welcome in my home any time, and our best childless friends are here almost every saturday night instead of us having to go out somewhere and get a sitter. But, it is one thing to go bowling and quite another to go drinking. I am surprised you were able to pull yourself away at 3 weeks old, I still have a difficult time, but as Gail said, we are all different.

There is definitely a broad spectrum of moms out there. I think what you're referring to is the one extreme of moms who seemingly don't care, gave birth, and continued on with life as if it were never interrupted/changed. I have known a few people like this, and it always makes me wonder why they decided to become a mom in the first place. And from what you say about your style, LiamsMommy, you are toward the other end of the spectrum. Also, there is plenty of inbetween.

I don't see the harm in going out on the town sometimes- I go to the local pub for a couple while my husband stays home with the kids. But I'm not drinking every night lol. I love my kids very much and I spend a lot of time with them. But I have a life too.

I personally would rather stay home than go out. Alot of my friends live out of town so occassionally we'll have wine nights and chat on the phone for hours . One of these days we'll figure out how to skype.

I find the partying thing immature but yes everyone is different. There is absolutely nothing wrong w/leaving kids for a few hrs to unwind, you actually need that just to regroup. Personally I would love to not fall asleep during my fave tv shows then go to bed staring at wall bc I have a list of chores still waiting for me. Not sexy I know but so a reality. My husband alway finds it funny that the only night I can stay awake to watch tv shows is tuesday..........wouldnt you be able to keep your eyes open to stare at LL Cool J on NCIS:LA for an hour.........hell I wish I could stare longer!! Actually, my husband handed me his empty ice cream bowl once to catch the drool! I yelled at him too bc I thought he wanted me to put in the kitchen sink until I realized what he was doing......took me a minute to regroup i guess lol!

A girl I went to high school with was talking about her two day hangover once. Seriously? If you have kids, you can't be hung over for two days. JMO. Nothing wrong with having a good time or getting away from the kids for a few hours but you need to be responsible. I see too many parents at school who don't want to give up the lifestyle. If you want to still party on a pretty regular basis, please don't have children. Get it out of your system and then have kids.

A girl I went to high school with was talking about her two day hangover once. Seriously? If you have kids, you can't be hung over for two days. JMO. Nothing wrong with having a good time or getting away from the kids for a few hours but you need to be responsible. I see too many parents at school who don't want to give up the lifestyle. If you want to still party on a pretty regular basis, please don't have children. Get it out of your system and then have kids.

Exactly.

I do not see the harm in going out once in awhile.I haven't been out since I found out I was pregnant with my son and he is ten months old.Now that he has stopped nursing, Iam looking forward to going out with my husband for some drinks and dancing.My son will be with one of our parents and will stay over night when we go.I would never come home after drinking and have my child there.Will we do this often no but I am still an adult who likes to have adult fun even though my child means the world to me.

I agree with you on extreme partying after having a baby (or 2 or more). I also believe it's irresponsible and immature to "get hammered" and then be hungover for days in a row. However, I don't see anything wrong with going out on your own once in a while with friends while hubby watches the kids or even as a couple on date night, getting a sitter. I'm a big "me-time" person and will want to have some time for myself, and just be myself, once my baby is here, too :) But I also do understand that people want to spend as much time with their babies as possible. Maybe it's also an age thing? I'm 35, so my partying days have been over for at least a decade and as for alcohol: I consider myself "drunk" after 2 glasses of wine...hahaha....after that all I want is my couch! :)

I really don't have much desire to participate in activities that are not family-oriented or child-friendly, and neither does my husband.

We feel the same way. We would rather be together as a family than do anything else. When our kids were little we wanted them with us all the time so we rarely went anywhere without them. Now that they are older and both in school during the weekdays, we prefer to have our alone time when they are at school. We don't want to go out to dinner without them. If we want to have a date, we go out to lunch. Our time with them is precious.

Many people do not understand us or how we are with our children. We have never spent a night away from our kids and we've never really had a big desire to do that. We are now planning our first ever weekend without kids, which will be our 20th wedding anniversary in June. The kids will stay with my husbands step-mother and father. We are looking forward to it, but we are not desperate to get away. In fact, I am sure that we will both miss them terribly, even if it's just a weekend. If other people have a need to get away, great. But I hate it when the people who have that need assume that everyone has that need.

Some people have said some really strange things to us in regards to our preference to be with our kids. Things like, "Well, I care about my marriage." As if we don't care about our marriage. Believe me, our marriage comes first before anything. And, "When your kids are grown you will have nothing left in common." That's ridiculous. We had plenty in common during the 10 years we were together before we had kids. And I have had stranger and more offensive things said to me when my husband isn't around, such as, "I bet your husband doesn't want to spend that much time with the children." That person clearly does not know my husband. My husband is even more into spending time with the kids than I am. (Probably because he works outside the home and I don't.) And then there was the classic comment that I will never forget, "No straight man wants to be that involved with his kids." Believe me, my husband isn't gay.

I really don't have much desire to participate in activities that are not family-oriented or child-friendly, and neither does my husband. 

 We feel the same way.   We would rather be together as a family than do anything else.   When our kids were little we wanted them with us all the time so we rarely went anywhere without them.  Now that they are older and both in school during the weekdays, we prefer to have our alone time when they are at school.   We don't want to go out to dinner without them.   If we want to have a date, we go out to lunch.  Our time with them is precious.

Many people do not understand us or how we are with our children.   We have never spent a night away from our kids and we've never really had a big desire to do that.   We are now planning our first ever weekend without kids, which will be our 20th wedding anniversary in June.   The kids will stay with my husbands step-mother and father.  We are looking forward to it, but we are not desperate to get away.  In fact, I am sure that we will both miss them terribly, even if it's just a weekend.   If other people have a need to get away, great.   But I hate it when the people who have that need assume that everyone has that need.

Some people have said some really strange things to us in regards to our preference to be with our kids.   Things like, "Well, I care about my marriage."   As if we don't care about our marriage.  Believe me, our marriage comes first before anything.   And, "When your kids are grown you will have nothing left in common."   That's ridiculous.   We had plenty in common during the 10 years we were together before we had kids.   And I have had stranger and more offensive things said to me when my husband isn't around, such as, "I bet your husband doesn't want to spend that much time with the children."   That person clearly does not know my husband.   My husband is even more into spending time with the kids than I am.  (Probably because he works outside the home and I don't.) And then there was the classic comment that I will never forget, "No straight man wants to be that involved with his kids."   Believe me, my husband isn't gay.

Whoops, I still have to learn how to work this site!!! Sorry about the previous comment, all I meant to quote was this ""No straight man wants to be that involved with his kids." in repsonse to FrugalGail's comment. I just wanted to say what jerks people can be - this really shocked me that anyone would tell you this!

Honestly, I suspect it was sour grapes from a woman whose husband was not interested in his family. I don't mean to sound like I am bragging here, but I do deal with a lot of jealousy from other women. My husband is a gem. (Believe me, I am very grateful.)

My husband and I are not the partying type and I totally agree that they should not be partying and being irresponsible when they have children. On the other hand, my husband and I really enjoy our nights out without the kids. We like to just walk around the mall and talk and dream together. We also have 4 children under 7 so there are not many quiet moments at home and we do love to take them out but those are never very peaceful outtings either lol. So yes, we REALLY enjoy our time away.

I don't have a problem with parents going on a date together now and then, and I am not opposed to a glass of wine here or there. What I do have a problem with is 2 of the women in particular that I mentioned seem to have had pictures being posted of them out drinking together on several occassions the past few weeks, and they have 8 week old and 4 week old babies. I just don't see any valid excuse for this. It's just my opinion, but I think it's pathetic and sad.

I, too, had serious problems TTC Liamsmommy. But you can bet I go out when I have the chance, especially now that I live 3 hours from the closest person allowed to be with my son. It doesn't mean I appreciate him less, I just am still an adult woman who needs to have adult time. I spend all day, every day with my toddler singing goofy songs, painting, going to the library, going to the zoo, going to the museum, finding places for him to play with children his age and just generally teaching and interacting. After a week or two of this nonstop toddler time, I want out for a bit. Sometimes I just go shopping while he stays with hubby, other times it means taking advantage when people visit and going out to a bar with my hubby (or while we're home going out with my other toddler mommy friend) to drink and watch a game.
My first date night away from my son was when he was exactly two weeks old. I pumped and left him with his great-grandma. When he was five months old I went to Toronto and stayed over with my husband for a concert. I did not nor do I now ever feel guilty for leaving him with the family members I trust. I feel great for teaching him a sense of independence from me, for gifting our family with the time alone with him, and for giving myself the time away that I know I need. Not everyone needs it, but I do.
I think starting to critique how other's parent is a slippery slope. As many on here already said, sometimes you don't know the whole story. And I'm sure there are just as many moms that don't go out partying and are still terrible parents. I try to focus on my family and my son. Everybody has their own way, all we can hope for is that the kids come out ok in the end.

I think starting to critique how other's parent is a slippery slope. As many on here already said, sometimes you don't know the whole story.

I am not trying to critique anyone's parenting and I am not intending to offend anyone. I am honestly trying to understand what makes a mother have the desire to leave her newborn to go out and do something else, because I really never felt that way. It really terrified me to be away from my son, especially when he was first born. And it still makes me very uncomfortable to leave him for a night.

Like I previously stated, going on dates with your husband or going to a concert or out for a drink here or there is no big deal. That's completely normal. It's the extreme end that these 2 moms seem to be on that concerns me. I know people will say it's none of my business, but when you post pictures like these on a world-wide website, your privacy is kind of thrown to the wind IMO.

I do apologize if I offended anyone on here. I honestly was not implying I am better than anyone else and I certainly do not want to come across as judging any of your parenting styles.

I think what the OP was referring to was the extreme end of the spectrum- moms who had kids and still haven't adjusted their life at all- the moms who go out, get sloppy, aren't responsible and reasonable about taking time away. I think mi3suns put it best:

Yes! Thanks SMJMom, for putting it into the words I couldn't find!